Helping Kids Express Emotion

I have a lot of families who come to see me for counseling to help younger children (ages 8 and under.)  Most of the concerns stem from a child who is struggling to identify or express how they are feeling.   Below are the 6 tops things I recommend to the families of younger children that I see.  No appointment needed for these tips!

1. Create an "art space" for your child.  I encourage parents to have a special space where the child can access play doh, crayons/ markers, papers, and stickers easily for times when they need to express emotion.  It could be a desk in their room, or even a lower drawer in the kitchen that they can access when needed.  When children are upset, it helps for parents to say something such as "I see that you are frustrated/ angry/ sad."  How about taking a few minutes in your art space and then we can talk about it?"  This starts to create awareness in the child about their feelings and appropriate ways to deal with them.  Having a period of allowing them to express what they are feeling through art is also helpful at teaching self-regulation.  (Trying to discuss with a child in the heat of the moment will often escalate things to the point that you are both more emotional.)  You can even set a timer for 5-15 minutes to help you both keep track of time.
2. Use a container.  I'm sure you are wondering what this means! One of the top skills I work with my clients (of all ages) on is being able to contain unpleasant emotions or thoughts until they can be dealt with an appropriate time.  With kids, I have them choose a physical container to write down or draw their thought or emotion and seal it up in the container.  (I vary this technique a bit with teens and adults, but it works great with helping kids be able to set things aside.)  You can use anything from tupperware to a treasure box.  The key is to allow your child to choose the container that works for them.  They should be able to access it as needed, so you could even keep this in the art space along with paper and drawing tools. 
3. Use a reward chart.  I shared an example of the Broncos reward chart, but you can use any type of chart you want.  There are lots of free charts with popular characters.  Reward charts are terrific because they can be individualized for each child and the behaviors you want to target.  The key is to identify the goal they need to meet and to have them choose rewards that are meaningful to them (1:1 time with a parent, extra video game time, free chore pass, piece of candy, etc.)
4. Never underestimate the power of exercise and activity.  Kids spend a lot of time sitting in school, and then sitting with technology outside of school.  Without enough exercise and physical stimulation, kids will use that pent up exercise in negative ways.  Make sure your child spends plenty of time outside doing anything from playing at the park to blowing bubbles.  Not only does the exercise help, but they will also get a good dose of Vitamin D, and exercise their creativity.  
5. In looking at the whole picture, exercise is very important in a well rounded child, and so is diet.  Our American diets are terrible, in that most foods for kids contain only processed ingredients, high in sugar, additives and preservatives.   All of these things exacerbate attention issues, mood issues, and overall physical functioning.  Get back to the basics and give your
   
   kids whole foods.  There are some terrific books on how to use whole foods in an appealing way to kids.  Check out "Weelicious" for some great ideas.  This is a great website, and the book is one I highly recommend.
6. Let your kids sleep!  Institute a consistent sleep schedule.  Get your children on a regular bed time routine, starting to wind down an hour before bed.  A shower or bath, brushing teeth, and reading time are all great to help your child wind down and be ready for sleep.  Kids who are sleep deprived struggle with attention issues, are more emotional, and struggle with behavior.  If you are struggling with your child, one of the first things I recommend looking at is their sleep schedule and making sure they are getting the recommend number of hours of sleep each night.