Get Out of Your Own Way

How do you ensure that you will reach your goal? Give yourself consequences for slacking! Whether your goal is to stay on a budget, put money in savings, lose weight, or get in better shape, here are a few ideas to help you reach your goal.

Some quick tips for creating consequences:

1) Choose something that is specifically unpleasant to you.  Think along the lines of annoying
rather than harsh or physically painful. Some ideas:
- No morning cup of coffee if you don't get up and workout
- You don't complete your goal for the day, no guilty pleasure (bubble bath, evening glass of wine, favorite TV show)
- No money left in your budget because you went over, no happy hours with the girls

2) Ask for accountability.  Tell a couple of close family members or friends about your goal and ask them to hold you accountable.  For example:
- Your goal is to eat healthier, your consequence can be to pick up the tab for a friend if you don't make a healthy choice when eating dinner out.
- Your goal is to make better financial choices, you can ask a friend to go to the grocery store with you to ensure you stick to the list or the budget.

3) Get it over with.  The longer you put something off, the larger the task becomes.  A trick I often use with cleaning or organizing that needs to be done is to set a timer for 10 minutes and get as much done in that time frame as you can.  Usually, 10 minutes is enough to complete the task, and if not, it's enough time to create motivation and get that piled cleared off the counter.  If you really find yourself slacking, don't allow yourself to move forward until it's done.  (No more shopping period if you don't set a budget, no going to bed until the kitchen is clean, etc.)

4) Create an if/ then list. This sounds incredibly boring, and can be very boring, but it will help you play out the long term consequences of not meeting your goals.  You set them for a reason right?  Example:
If                                                                Then                                                             

-I don't stick to my budget                     - I won't be able to afford the beach vacation.
-I don't workout today                           -I will be one day further away from doing 25 pushups
-I don't work on that paper for class   -I will have to pull an all-nighter tomorrow and miss the party
-I eat this whole pint of ice cream      -I may not fit into the bridesmaid's dress I am overpaying for

Bonus:
5) Don't underestimate the power of rewards.  This doesn't exactly fall under the consequence category, but I use this all the time with my child and teen clients.  There is no reason it won't work.  If you promise yourself a new outfit for getting to the gym four times a week for a month, you have something to look forward to.  If you need to, create a reward chart with a clear goal and clear reward set at the beginning.  Give yourself a minimum goal (i.e. I will make 80 percent of my meals at home for 1 month) and give yourself a star every time you do that.   Make sure you write your reward on the chart as well (I will earn a pair of tickets to that concert).  You can choose if you want to add the opposite consequence if your goal is not met- no 80%, no concert.


Happy Goal Reaching!

Behavior Charts for Kids

In an earlier post, I shared a blank example of the Bronco reward chart for kids.  Since I have quite a few of my counseling clients requesting ideas and examples for behavior/ reward charts, I decided I would post some examples of the charts I have used with my daughter Jade, age 2 1/2.   For us, 2-3 weeks of the charts are plenty to establish behavior expectations, and we are able stop using them.  (To be honest, she usually only needs a couple of days before she follows the expectations pretty easily.)  Not every child is going to respond this quickly, and you may have to use behavior charts ongoing for your child.  I have shared 3 examples here: One for daily behavior (Go Diego), one for nap time (Minnie Mouse), and one for bed time (Peppa Pig).  I recommend using only one chart at a time; these three are examples and were not used simultaneously.

Here are some guidelines on using behavior charts:

- Choose 2-4 behavior for your child to work on (I don't generally recommend this for kids younger than 2, and even at 2, they may need to have only 1 target goal.)
-Make your expectations clear and specific, rather than saying "Jennifer will behave all day," break it down into something more realistic such as "Jennifer will decrease talking back to less than 2 times per day."
- If you are having issues throughout the day, use one chart and identify 2-4 main behaviors you want to address (1 target behavior during the day, 1 at nap time or after school, 1 at bedtime).
- Discuss the expectations and the reward with your child beforehand and write it on the chart.
-Post the chart on the fridge or bathroom mirror- somewhere it is easy to see and access.
- Older children should work up to earning bigger rewards for an overall weekly goal; younger children need frequent reinforcement, so they should receive a reward per sticker or at least daily.
- Review progress regularly and give your child lots of praise for the positives.
-Update goals weekly, once a child has reached a goal for 2 weeks in a row, they are ready for something new.
-  I usually recommend just using rewards when using charts, rather than imposing consequences for not earning stickers.  Too many factors makes this confusing.
- Come up with a list of acceptable rewards for your child.  It doesn't always have to be candy- use can use 1:1 time with an adult, choosing what to eat for dinner, video game time, free chore pass, etc.  Younger kids may need more tangible rewards, but the key is to find something that motivates your child.
- Keep it a simple as possible.

I use the character charts from freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com.  This website has a ton of different types of charts with favorite characters, sports teams, and themes to fit your child.  I usually download these and then use the "sign" option in Adobe.  This has an "add text" option, where I use text boxes to type in the goals.  If this seems to complicated, you can just print the pdf and hand write the goals.

Happy rewarding!

How to Be Happier Right Now

Now that I have some extra time, I was finally able to finish a book I've been working on called "Bright Side Up- 100 Ways to Be Happier Right Now" by Amy Spencer.  This is a terrific book and I highly recommend it.  It's light reading, but instantly helps change your mood and puts things into perspective.  This book came into play when I was struggling with being put on restrictions for this pregnancy.  In my previous post, I mentioned that the first few days, I was a moody mess in trying to process what "modified bed rest" meant, and how to make my life work with these restrictions.  Just a few pages of this book, and everything was put into perspective and made me realize my problems were very minor and I needed to change my thought process.   This post is my take on my favorite tips from this book on how to make yourself a bit happier but just changing your perspective.  I hope it inspires you to think differently about circumstances you may be struggling with.

• Ask your one-hundred-year-old self. The basic idea behind this tip is to think of opportunities we are given with a brave and adventurous outlook.  Many times, we reach a fork in the road and panic about which is the better road.  Think of your grandparents, or any older person with wisdom- they are usually kind and gentle, but have made mistakes and learned from them and speak candidly about their own mistakes.  They are able to tell great stories about their mishaps in order to encourage other to be brave, strong, and to take chances.  Next time you are faced with a fork in the road, don't take the safe bet just because it's safe.  Think about yourself when you are one-hundred, and imagine if this is a decision you can claim you put effort into and didn't just take the easy road.  You will be a much more interesting to your grandchildren if you have some stories that don't always end in making the safe decision.

• Live 10 minutes in the life of "the ideal you." How many times have you thought about living your dreams, only to realize that actually reaching those dreams takes a lot of work? Most of us become settled into life, mostly content, but occasionally wishing we had pursued our dreams. I really like my life, but I do often wish I lived on or very near a beach.  I don't see myself uprooting my family to move away to beach somewhere, away from both of our extended families.  However, I can live the ideal me by planning vacations to beach destinations, spending 10 minutes each day decompressing by looking at beautiful beach pictures, or even using some coconut lotion or drinking a fruity drink.  While our "ideal" lives, may be just an idea at time, there is always something we can do to get a small piece of that on a daily basis. Do one small thing each day that your ideal self would do, and you will be more fulfilled and that much closer to living your dream.

• Rephrase to reframe.  I use this all the time with my counseling clients, especially my teen clients.  It is so easy to change our view of circumstances by changing our frame.  Just as an old photo with an old frame may look dated, our views of our lives and ourselves become dated.  What is needed is a new frame.  This can be done easily be rephrasing how we present our circumstances. My personal use of this tip?  Looking at being placed on modified bed rest in a different frame.  When the doctor first gave me my orders to "be a Couch Potato" for at least 7 weeks, all I could think of were the things I couldn't do.  Once I made up my mind to change the frame, I started viewing this time as something to be thankful for.  This is chance to rest and relax before the baby to spend some quality time with my 2 1/2-year-old daughter.  Sure, I may be making 1/2 a paycheck right now, but this time is priceless and I really needed to learn how to rest and this was in the plan for me.  Otherwise, I probably would have kept going 100 miles an hour until delivery and continued in the cycle of exhaustion.  By changing the frame, you have created a fresh start in life full of opportunity and possibility.  Update that old frame by rephrasing and see what opens up!

• Love the line.  I did not want to admit it, but this one really spoke to me.  I am not a patient person when it comes to traffic or waiting in line.  I hate wasting time, and both of those things were, in my opinion, the most inefficient use of time.  This tip suggests that since we can't change the line, we should change our thinking.  I have decided she is completely right!   How often do we wish we could sit in peace for five minutes without being disturbed?  I know most moms will raise their hands in a heartbeat!  Look at the ten minutes you have to spend in the line at the DMV at ten minutes you get to browse Facebook, or play a game on your phone, or just get to zone out and enjoy your cup of coffee.  Take those couple of minutes at a stoplight to enjoy a favorite song that brightens your day.  Spend the time in the waiting room at the dentist catching up on a favorite book or magazine.  Look at lines as a small gift, giving you permission to have a few minutes.  For me, I rediscovered a couple of games on my phone that I enjoy, but never have time to play.  I also try to keep a book in my car or purse for the rare occasion that I have a few minutes of downtime.  If you prepare yourself for the lines, you will start to look forward to them, or at least hate the waiting a little less.

When you read these ideas, you may think when you boil it down, they are all just new ways of seeing the glass half-full; the old reminder about positive thinking.  While these are takes on positive thinking, they change the perspective of it a bit, allowing us to have choices in the way we view our lives and handle our situations.  If you are feeling a bit "blah" with your life or circumstances, find a copy of Amy's book to get your brain going on way to change your pattern of thinking.  It will make a huge difference.  At the end of the day, life is 90 percent what we choose to make it, so why not start using some of these ideas to help you get in the habit?

How to Mentally Deal with an Illness or Injury

I decided to write this post after doing some personal research on my own situation.  I am now 31 weeks pregnant and was placed on bed rest at 27 weeks for preterm labor concerns.  This means no walking the dogs, no exercise, being as "lazy" as possible.  My doctor referred to it as "Couch Potato"
mode.  This may sound like a welcome command to some, but not to me.  All I could think of was that I wasn't going to be able to play outside with my daughter, walk my dogs, and I would be losing any strength I worked so hard to maintain during the pregnancy. (Not to mention I was put on leave from work, so financial concerns also came creeping in.  I need my workouts to help with stress!) Couch Potato is pretty much the opposite of how someone would describe me.  Even during my first pregnancy, I was pretty active, and able to water ski 3 weeks after delivery.  Nonetheless, I want to keep this baby cooking as long as possible, so I had to figure out a way to make it work.  (For anyone who is curious, it was not the exercise that caused the preterm labor concerns.  It is a combination of factors of how my body is set up in pregnancy, combined with work stress.)

I have always been active, but never a big sports player, so injuries are not something I have dealt with.  Working out has always been a priority and I haven't had to deal with the mental or physical side of recovering from an injury, which led me to do some research.  What I came up with are a few tips below that I can keep in mind during this short time when I am allowed to be a Couch Potato, so that when the time comes, I can safely and sanely work on getting back in shape (and then I will wish I could sit and watch hours of TV :)!

• Forget the all or nothing approach. The inability to exercise does not have to be an excuse to let everything go.  Sitting on the couch eating potato chips does not have to go hand in hand with an injury or illness.  Our bodies need proper nutrition, perhaps more so than when we are "healthy", so use the exercise break as a chance to focus on nutrition.  Filling up on whole grains, lean protein, fruit, veggies, and healthy fats will help you avoid weight gain while fueling your body to help repair itself.  Use that extra time to read up on new clean eating recipes and making meal plans.
• Do what you can. My doctor may have banned pretty much any form of cardio, but I can still sit on a fit ball and work my arms and legs with light weights or resistance bands (and inadvertently work my core while sitting on the ball!)  This helps maintain some muscle tone and strength without causing contractions or exacerbating my condition.  Talk with your doctor or qualified trainer about some alternatives you might be able to do.
• Start checking things off your "to-do: list.  Having a two year old, a full-time job, a private counseling practice, and baby on the way, I always have a pretty hefty "to-do" list.  After the initial shock of not having much I could be doing, I found that identifying one or two key items to do each day has helped me check quite a few items off my list that weren't getting done.  I obviously can't be doing things like cleaning all of the outside windows, but I can file those insurance claims that have sat in a pile, sew a few things I haven't had time to get to, and read a pile of magazines that has been mounting up.  (Sounds rough, right?)
• Focus on other healthy habits. I am not the best eater in the world- it's always a quest for me to get more veggies in, so I have been trying to make sure I get in a green smoothie everyday, which makes me feel like I am compensating on some level for lack of exercise.  Other habits to focus on may be increasing how often you floss, finally getting time to give yourself a manicure, giving yourself time to start writing in a journal, or start getting enough sleep each night.
• Use this as a chance to work on positive thinking. I read a great book on positive thinking (which I will write about in another post.)   It took me a few days of some pretty big mood swings trying to adjust to this change in pace.  After I started thinking about all of the positive sides of this, my outlook was much different and most days, I am thankful for this rest period before becoming a mom of two.  There are always many blessings to count, it just takes the right mind set.
• Learn new ways of coping with stress. Exercise is my main form of dealing with stress.  It is often about trying to lose weight, but even more, I notice in my mood and stress level when I can't workout.  Having this extended period of inactivity, I had to find a new way to deal with stress.  (Although my stress level has decreased since I am not working, I still have financial worries and the occasional stress of having a two-year-old.)  This one is still a work in progress for me.  Going outside relieves stress, but it is difficult for me to just be outside without being very active.  I have found reading and taking warm baths helps, so those are my go-to methods of taking a mental break when I feel overwhelmed.
  
• Find some new hobbies.  Maybe it's writing a blog, decorating stationary, scrap booking, or even becoming a video gamer- trying new hobbies make you a more well-rounded person, and can help you find new ways to deal with stress.  One of my goals is to do some letter writing for cancer patients.  I may not be able to do a whole lot, but I can make some cards to encourage others who are struggling with things much bigger than I can imagine.
• Utilize help. This is also a work in progress for me.  I do not like asking for help- I have a bit of a control freak side to me, plus I just find it's easier to do things myself.  Well, I don't have that option right now.  I can't walk my dogs and they cannot go 2-3 months without being walked.  I can't vacuum, and my house cannot go 2-3 months without being vacuumed.   I have had to learn to trust that my husband can handle things, and when he is busy at work, there are lots of other family members and friends who have volunteered to help.  Being responsible for keeping this tiny human baking has given me no choice but to rely on others and ask for help in the areas I need it.  Honestly, this is probably the biggest lesson I've learned so far, and something I needed to realize- we all need help.  Sometimes we need it more than others, and sometimes we are the ones needing to help others, but if we don't ask or accept help, it makes life a lot harder. 

There will be a future post about getting back into shape after an injury or illness, but for the time being, take some time to identify the areas you might need to balance your life.  If you are a person who struggles with over-activity, take a few minutes each day to sit quietly and pray or meditate to gain some clarity and peace.