Q and A from Teen Reader

Occasionally, I receive questions from teen readers on various issues. Sometimes, teenager get a bad reputation for being self-centered, but if you look beyond the surface, most are very caring and compassionate and just not sure how to express it.  I wanted to take a minute and answer this question for a reader.


"I'm doing a project at school about kids that have anxiety and panic attacks and I was wondering if you could give me some advice on how to deal with and help kids that have anxiety and find ways to make them feel included."


1) Be understanding and supportive. We are all anxious at some point about various things in our lives.  Kids who are struggling may be having issues at home, struggling at school, or even just worry about things that haven't happened yet.  The best way to support kids who are struggling with anxiety or any other issue is to be there for them.  Just knowing that someone cares and is willing to listen when needed can make a big difference.  If the person you are trying to help is not really a friend, be consistent in being friendly, and inviting them to participate in group projects or sitting with you at lunch.  Initially, they may brush you off, because they aren't sure what to think, but if you are consistent and caring, they will see that you are genuine.

2)  Help distract them.  Do things together that they enjoy or that make them feel calm. By sharing these activities with them, they can learn to include positive feelings on a regular basis that may help alleviate their anxiety.  It could be as simple as going to a movie, going for a walk, or drawing.  Initially, someone may not be open to this, but continue to invite them to do things and eventually they will take you up on.

3)  Model positive coping skills.  Make a list of the things that make you feel calm and happy.  Do something from this list everyday to keep you in a good place, especially during difficult times.  By modeling this behavior, you can be an example and easily help others to be able to identify positive ways to cope as well.  It also helps you to be a more supportive friend because you are consistently working through your own emotions and can better assist those around you when you are in control.

4)  Know where the limit is.  Kids who are struggling with severe anxiety and panic may exhibit extreme symptoms such as self- harm and suicidal thoughts.  Being a supportive friend is the best thing you can do, but know that there is a limit and extreme behavior should be reported to a school counselor, parent, or other trusted adult to ensure that your friend stays safe.

Broncos Reward Chart

In the spirit of the Superbowl and my home team, the Broncos, playing tomorrow, here is a tool I use with my daughter and with lots of my students and younger private clients.  It's a Broncos reward chart- can be used for anything from chores to potty training. (They have lots of teams to choose from, but who would want another team?!)

You can type or write in 3-4 goals and allow your child to earn a star/sticker for meeting each goal. Have your child choose a reward at the beginning of the week to work towards. Rewards for kids 3 and up can include choosing where to go out to dinner or what to have for dinner at home, choosing a family game, 1:1 time with a parent, extra video game time, or a trip to the store for a small toy.  I recommend that kids needs to earn 75% of the possible stars in order to receive the reward.  For younger children, I recommend smaller rewards every couple of days, or even a small piece of candy for each star/ sticker earned.  (A week is too long for these little ones to wait for gratification.)  Update the chart as needed, based on progress or struggles.  Enjoy!





Broncos Reward Chart