Mental Illness from a Daughter's Perspective

This piece was written by one of our teens clients and is a powerful look on how mental illness affects those around us. Such a powerful piece that we are so privileged to share!

Discussing Injury

      Anxiety. Schizophrenia. Bipolar disorder. Depression. Chances are some people in this room know someone that has one of these many mental illnesses. However, no one seems to talk about them. But what good does that do? Mental illnesses have always been in the category of “don't talk about these or you'll make every situation ever awkward”; they will forever be in this category if we don't make a change soon.

      There is a man with one of these mental illnesses. This nameless man has major depressive disorder. He has had depression for the past twenty years. He thought he could deal with it and not tell anyone; he thought he could get better all on his own. This man didn’t tell anyone about his condition, not even his family. Do you want to know why? He didn’t want to make anyone feel awkward. He didn’t want people to treat him differently or change their behavior around him. It’s not like someone can sign his head or bake him a casserole to make him feel better. It’s not like he can get better in a week or a month. He doesn’t have an injury that can be healed with a couple visits to the doctor’s office. His illness stays with him forever, even if he is able to feel better.

      The amount of people that have a mental illness in the United States is unspeakable. About 1 in 4 adults over the age of 18 suffer from a diagnosed mental disorder. About 21 million adults suffer from a mood disorder including: depression, bipolar disorder, and dysthymic disorder. 2.4 million adults struggle with schizophrenia. 40 million people over the age of 18 have some sort of anxiety disorder. About 2 million adults deal with obsessive compulsive disorder. There’s even 7.7 million people walking outside dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder. There are so many people walking their dogs, going to work, and having family dinners that can’t even tell people about their condition because they don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. This doesn’t even count the number of teens and children that deal with the stress of keeping their feelings and conditions inside because they don’t want to be looked at differently by their friends. These can be people who you go to school with, who go to work with your parents, these people can be anyone.

      Having a mental disorder doesn’t define these people either. The chemicals in their brains are just a little different than someone who doesn’t have a mental disorder. Mental disorders are like the little devil on your shoulder, and instead of having an angel on the other shoulder, you have two devils. But why is it so hard to talk about them and so easy to sign a cast for a broken arm or make meals for someone who is sick? Getting injured or even having cancer is so much easier to discuss because there is a chance to get better. Yet, there is always a chance to get better with a mental disorder.

      When people try to shove mental disorders under the rug, they are not taking the opportunity to learn more about the people around them. Being ignorant about these subjects isn’t helping anything. People should be more aware about how other people are feeling on a day-to-day basis. Even if you don’t know that person or don’t know if they have a mental disorder, just asking them how their day went can go a long way. It might not heal them, but it can replace the cloud over their head with sunshine. When they don’t discuss their mental illness with anyone, they don’t get the proper help they need. Having a support system full of friends and family can change someone with a mental disorder dramatically as well. Being able to talk to people about how they are feeling and about the kind of help they urge for can be just the thing they need. People with a mental illness won’t be able to get rid of the disorder but being there for someone with a mental illness can help them get one step closer to feeling on top of the world.

      The nameless man finally decided to tell the people around him. He had been in a situation where he was more depressed than he had ever been; he was at such a low point in his life. This man decided to tell his family. He opened up to them, which is something he had never been able to do before. His family was able to give him the overdue help he had needed. His family didn’t think twice about the man they knew for years. They didn’t think it was awkward or uncomfortable to talk about. This nameless man was finally a little happier than he had ever been in the past couple of years. Until he hit the next lowest point in his life. His family was still there for him, even when he didn’t think they were. He had an amazing support system that was there for him through all of the rocky and bumpy roads. Since he got the support from his family, he started his road to recovery. He is able to see the sun everyday. He thought his depression defined him, but it didn’t. There is so much more to him than anyone ever thinks. Now, when he tells people about his depression, people don’t feel uncomfortable or see the word “depression” plastered to his forehead; they see a kind, loving man who wants the best for the people around him. He was able to tell people about his story because of the support he got from his family and friends.This man can be anyone that you see outside, anyone’s parent, anyone’s teacher. This man, this nameless man, is my dad.

      

      

Bibliography

Dr. Prentiss Price-Evans. “Major Depressive Disorder.” All About Depression. All About

Self Help, LLC, 2013. Web. 22 January 2016.

National Institute of Mental Health. “Major Depression Among Adults.” National Institutes of

Health. National Institute of Mental Health. Web. 21 January 2016.

The Kim Foundation. “Mental Disorders in America.” The Kim Foundation. The Kim

Foundation, 2006 - 2014. Web. 21 January 2016.

(All of the pieces on our website are shared with written permission of our clients.)

2015 Christmas Bucket List

We are ready for Christmas early around our house.  It's been a rough year, and especially the last few months.  While initially, I was not excited for Christmas at all, we took a trip to the North Pole amusement park and it made me feel a bit more festive.  With all of the loss we have experienced recently, my husband and I have realized that we need to make the most of all the blessings we have, our girls being one of the greatest!  We have decided to make an even more conscious effort to spend quality time together doing the things we want to do, rather than saying "someday."  (Someday doesn't always come, right?)   Here is one of the ways we are keeping that promise- creating bucket lists and wish lists to remind us of the ways we can make the most of this life.  We celebrate Christmas in our house, but I'd love to see your bucket lists for the holiday/s you celebrate!

Things have been busy!  Plan on posting some information about Animal Assisted Therapy, a specialty of the new therapist in my practice, Lauren.  For now, here is the April newsletter for Kelli Korn Counseling to busy your mind for a minute or two!

Christmas Bucket List

So many fun things to do this time of year!  I'm a list person, so creating this bucket list helped me organize and plan my thoughts so I can squeeze everything in!  I'd love to see your Christmas "musts", so please share your below!

Helping Your Child Cope With the Loss of a Pet

Losing a family pet is a very difficult time.  What makes it even more challenging is deciding how to explain it to your children.  Inevitably, they will ask a lot of questions trying to understand the concept of death.  There are age appropriate ways to help your child understand that death is a natural occurrence in life, and to teach them how top cope with grief and loss as an inevitable part of life.   We have a lot of pets in our extended family, and have sadly had several losses in the past year.  Even though I am a professional at helping other children with grief and loss, I wanted to revisit some information on how to help my children deal with this now and in the future.  Here are a few tips to help navigate through such a challenging time.

• One of the most difficult parts about losing a pet may be breaking the bad news to kids. Try to do so one-on-one in a place where they feel safe and comfortable.
• An extremely important factor to remember: As you would with any tough issue, try to gauge how much information kids need to hear based on their age, maturity level, and life experience.
• If your pet is very old or has a lingering illness, consider talking to kids before the death occurs and reassuring them that the veterinarians have done everything that they can.  If you have to make the difficult decision to euthanize your pet, it helps to assure your child/ren that your pet would never get better, this is the kindest way to take the pet's pain away, the pet will die peacefully, without feeling hurt or scared.
• If you do have to euthanize your pet, be careful about saying the animal went "to sleep" or "got put to sleep." Young kids tend to interpret events literally, so this can conjure up scary misconceptions about sleep or surgery and anesthesia.
• Use age appropriate language with your child.
• Be honest- don't tell the child your pet ran away. Use this as a teaching moment to start to prepare your child for death as a part of life. 
• Let your child's questions guide your discussion on how much they are understanding or are able to handle.
• Draw on your faith to answer questions about what happens to a pet after they leave us.  
• Understand that your child may feel a variety of emotions-from emptiness and sadness to guilt and anger at friends whose pets are still alive. Your children may worry that the animal's death is their fault, and may wonder what happens to animals after they die. Some kids may even worry that other children and classmates will ridicule them for loving their pet so much.  Take time to listen and allow your child to verbally express his or her feelings.
• Keep other caregivers in the loop- teachers, grandparents, babysitters, etc. need to understand why your child may be extra sensitive or irritable.  You will also want to let caregivers know how you have shared this with your child so they can use the same language and explanations.
• Encourage your child to draw a picture of their pet, or write a letter to their pet.

• Plan a memorial service for your child and invite friends and family who knew your pet to share their favorite memory of your pet.
• Plan a tree or flowers in your pet's honor.
• Allow your child to keep something that your pet loves- a collar, tag, or favorite toy.
• Encourage your child to engage in normal activities as much as possible- going to the park, bike ride, art, playing with friends.
• Be open about your feelings of loss with your child.  It may help them to know they aren't the only one who is sad.
• Gather photos to make a photo album in memory of your pet.
• Utilize resources, such as the books below.
• You and your child can gather up photographs of your pet to make into a photo album.

Special Considerations by Age:

2-3 Year Olds

• Typically do not understand death and consider it a form of sleep
• They will need to be told their pet will not return
• Reassure them that it is unrelated to anything the child has said or done
• Be careful of using terms such as "put to sleep", as children take this literally and may think their pet will return from sleep, or may even form a negative connection with sleep

4-6 Year Olds

• Children in this age range understand death related to continued existence, such as living underground, or even permanently sleeping
• There may be a belief that any anger or negative treatment of the pet on their part caused the death- refute this and reassure them that dying is something that happens to pets and no one is at fault
• Children may begin to fear death, or see it as contagious
• Grief manifestations often occur in the form of changes in bladder and bowel control, sleeping issues, and changes in appetite

7-9 Year  Olds

• Children this age start to understand the irreversibility of death 
• They may become concerned about the death of parents, siblings
• Curiosity is common and parents should respond honestly
• Behavior issues, school and learning issues, aggression, withdrawal, and antisocial behavior are all grief reactions that may occur weeks or even months later.  If you have ongoing concerns about this, consult a therapist.

10-11 Year Olds

• Children this age usually understand death as natural, inevitable. Their reactions are similar to adults, although depending on past experiences with death, grief and loss symptoms should be monitored.
• Continue to encourage them to express emotions either verbally, or through art and music

Adolescents

• Teens to react similarly to adults.  One thing to note is that denial may come into play and your child will not show a lack of emotional display.  If your child has not appeared affected, continue to monitor and share your feelings, allowing them to do the same when they are ready.

Recommended Resources for Children (https://www.aspca.org/pet-care/pet-loss/helping-your-child-when-the-family-pet-dies)

Life and Loss: A Guide to Help Grieving Children, Linda Goldman;
Accelerated Development; Taylor & Francis Group, (800) 821-8312; 1994

Because of Flowers and Dancers, Sandra S. Brackenridge; Veterinary Practice Publishing Co.; 1994.

Dog Heaven, Cat Heaven, Cynthia Rylant; The Blue Press; Scholastic, Inc.,

Desser the Best Ever Cat, Maggie Smith; Alfred A. Knopf, Inc.; 2001

Goodbye Mousie, Robie H. Harris; Simon & Schuster Children's Publishing,

Grunt, Suzanne Schlossberg, Tamberrino, Centering Corporation; 2001

Jasper's Day, Marjorie Blain Parker; Kids Can Press Ltd.; 2002

Saying Goodbye to Lulu, Corinne Demas; Little, Brown and Company; 2004

Websites:

Kids Health

Rainbows Bridge

ASPCA Pet Loss

Colorado Fall Bucket List

It's been a long time since I've written a post.  I haven't had a lot of time between my kids, my clients, and teaching classes.  As much as I love summer, I gave in and did a fall bucket list to help get me in the spirit of fall.  I have to find things to get excited about, as I really morn the end of summer.  Hopefully this will get you inspired and excited about fall.  Hopefully, I will have more informational posts about mental and emotional health coming soon!

52 Colorado Places to Visit With Kids

I haven't posted in awhile because I have been getting into the groove of having two kids now.  I'm starting to get back in the swing, and summer is my favorite season to enjoy. Colorado has so many great activities to offer all year for whatever your interest may be. I started my own counseling practice so that I could enjoy as much time off as possible, while also having a flexible schedule to enjoy our awesome state and all it has to offer.   As a Colorado native, I would like to think I am an expert, but the truth is our state is pretty darn big and there is a lot to do!  Now having two small children, my focus is on places we can enjoy as a family.  I put this list together as a bit of a follow up on our Colorado Summer Bucket List.  This isn't a super organized list, but it has a lot of ideas in the Denver area, as well as a few places to see on a weekend or road trip. I am always looking for new places, so if you have any recommendations, please comment below and I will add them to my list of places to see.